Download Crash and Burn by Artie Lange PDF

By Artie Lange

Veteran comic and radio character Artie Lange turns an unflinching eye and his signature wit on his perilous descent into drug dependancy, life-threatening melancholy, and eventually, his restoration, within the follow-up to his hilariously uncooked debut, number 1 long island occasions bestseller Too fats to Fish.

At a excessive aspect in his occupation, Artie Lange performed a sold-out convey in Carnegie corridor and completely killed—yet in the course of his status ovation, all he might think about have been the 2 luggage of heroin in his pocket. in the course of a deep, self-destructive melancholy, hooked on heroin and prescribed drugs, he lashed out at each person round him— from his fellow forged individuals at the Howard Stern exhibit, to famous person visitors, his longtime buddies, or even his personal family.

By turns darkish and irritating, hilarious and heartbreaking, and constantly drop-dead sincere, Crash and Burn lifts the curtain on Artie’s harmful slide, and gives a brand new, crystal-clear window into the brain of the addict. For the 1st time, Artie finds all: the whole fact at the back of his now mythical Stern convey meltdown, his suicide try out (which he relates in terrifying detail), unbelievable stints in rehab, and painful relapses. With the assistance and help of family and friends, Artie claws his long ago, turning his lifestyles and occupation round. And regardless of his slipups, backslides, and everlasting losses, Artie forges on.

With Crash and Burn, Artie Lange is going all-in, confessing a narrative that's as surprising because it is humorous, ever tempered by means of his attribute humor, self-awareness, and inimitable manner with phrases.

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T I I. I I ' Who was Susan Smith's driving teacher? Ted Kennedy. What is Susan Smith's favorite TV show? " What killed Jerry Garcia? Acid indigestion. 48 julius Alvin Hear about the new limo service OJ. is ing? ~ ran They'll get you to the airport with an hour tu kill. Why is OJ. moving to Alabama? The DNA is all the same. 's jacuzzi? Juror Number Seven. Why can't Ted Kennedy give blood? They can't get all the cocktail olives through the tubes. C.? Because a man who can't tell a lie isn't worth remembering.

That's downright impossible. " Sammy says, "I want that when I come home, my wife rips my clothes off, throws me down on the bed, and makes passionate Jove to me. " The genie replies, "Let's take another look at the Middle East map ... " UNBEARABLY GROSS JOKES 41 What do you call a mole on an Italian's ass? A brain tumor. What do you call a hundred Mexicans in a Volkswagen? A family reunion. Why don't Italians eat fleas? Because they can't get the fleas' little legs apart. How many Polacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A brain tumor. What do you call a hundred Mexicans in a Volkswagen? A family reunion. Why don't Italians eat fleas? Because they can't get the fleas' little legs apart. How many Polacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in, one to screw it up. 42 julius Alvin The Polish guy laments to his friend, " My dog is pregnant. " his friend asks. " "What happens when a Polack gets Alzheimer's Disease? He gets smarter. What's the first thing a black woman says sex? " after UNBEARABLY GROSS JOKES 43 What's the difference between a Jewish American Princess and Jello?

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